Black Christmas (2019) A Review

So many Problems.  So So Many problems.  So few redeeming features.


DIRECTOR:  Sophia Takal

STARRING:  Imogen Poots, Aleyse Shannon, Lily Donoghue

SCREENPLAY:  Sophia Takal, April Wolfe

GENRE:  Horror, Mystery

RUNTIME:  92 Minutes

★★ 1.5 Stars   

I love a cheesy slasher movie as much as the next girl. Gimme a movie with inventive deaths and a creepy atmosphere and I am going to have a great time.  Sadly this film had none of those things, what it did have was a nearly aggressive political message and feminism that was nearly insulting.

A year ago, while drunk at a frat party, Riley was sexually assaulted.  And when she tried to tell anyone what happened, they didn’t believe her.  Now a year later, she is about to perform at a talent contest in the same frat house, in front of her abuser.  After the video of the performance goes viral, she and her friends start getting threatening messages and then one by one they start to disappear.  But something much more sinister is at work.

So the original ‘Black Christmas’ came out in the 70s and was just about as tacky as you would expect it to be.  But I can respect it for that.  This remake has none of that charm, instead replaces it with an aggressive feminist message, which is thrown so heavily in your face, it is just off putting.  Female equality is a big issue right now, and with better handling, this film could have been a real staple of the #MeToo movement.  Instead it comes across and man hating and over the top.  Not a good look.

The acting swings two ways.  Either it is horridly over acting and makes you cringe, or the acting is just plain bad:

“Do Christmas Lights Expire?” 

Seriously, Who wrote that line?

The dialogue all throughout the film is just terrible, and I guess the actors are just doing the best they can with what they have, but horror movie tropes aside, they had some great material to work with, it’s just a shame nothing from the story, to the script to the characters was done with any kind of care.

I also don’t believe that this film should even really be marketed as a horror film.  While yes, there is some horror ‘elements’ there is not enough gore or violence or terror to really warrant that genre.  I don’t think we see a speck of blood the entire time.  Even the first murder where the girl is stabbed, in the snow and dragged along a WHITE SNOWY YARD, where she should be bleeding heavily, not a drop of blood to be seen.  Call ne strange, but I like my horror to have a bit more horror to it. 

After Charlie’s Angels I thought no film could sit lower in my esteem, cheerfully for Elizabeth Banks she has been dethroned as my worst movie of the year. Black Christmas now gets the honour of wearing that thorn crown.

Black Christmas is out now if you want to judge for yourself. My Advise? Don’t Bother.

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